James Thomas : Astonishing Sod
                          
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THOUGHTS AT CHRISTMAS TIME.


​- Funny how Mary and Joseph had no problem booking a room in March.

- Santa’s greatest fear? Chest and nuts roasting on an open fire.

- My favourite thing about Christmas is always the Negativity.

- I wonder how many people Santa would have to slaughter before all the goodwill dissipated.

- 2034: Xmas merges with Xbox and becomes Xmax.

- On Christmas morning, Santa gets a phonecall from the workshop saying, ‘Elves have left the building.’

- In the North Pole, elf accountants use presentages.

- Next time, start your letter with “Dead Santa” (just to see if he’s paying attention). 
​
- At Christmas, rappers spend ages repping their presence.

- Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas hay.

- Christmas is to the other 364 days as Santa Claus is to the other 364 men who break into your home each year.

- I wish it could be Christmas every second day.

- My favourite prequel: The Large Portion Of Cheese Before Christmas

- My evil aunt used to give us fabrics for Christmas. One year, she stared at me and said, 'It’s curtains for you.’

- If you keep chewing the scenery, you'll eventually poop a Christmas tree. 

- Can't we make room for a second Santa Claus, to help the first billion? 
​
- A god is for life, not just for Christmas.

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