The Canon

Works of great artistic merit.
This archive, compiled by the Department of the Arts, will be compiled over a period of months.
To be notified when new works are added, follow the Department of the Arts on Twitter.

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Hello sir, I-*briefcase full of jellybeans falls open*

— brendle what (@brendlewhat) February 4, 2012

Hello sir, I by @brendlewhat [ + ]

AS THE GUILLOTINE SLIDES TOWARDS MY NECK, I PRODUCE A TINY BARBELL I'VE BEEN HIDING IN MY MOUTH AND LIFT IT WITH MY TONGUE. ONE LAST REP

— wint (@dril) May 6, 2013

ONE LAST REP by @dril

i'm not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone's around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels & mysteries*

— bandit (@UtilityLimb) September 27, 2011

i'm not racist by @UtilityLimb

.@parisreview So is Paris any good or not

— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) January 9, 2013

Paris Review by @TriciaLockwood

kanye west slowly pacing around the room to avoid a bee but insisting that he's not scared of it

— electro lemon (@electrolemon) April 12, 2013

kanye west by @electrolemon

i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead

— rad milk (@rad_milk) June 25, 2012

im dead by @rad_milk

Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together

— donni (@donni) August 1, 2013

Slowly by @donni

Go to church + change organists sheet music to slightly lower notes each week until after a while everyone is wearing hoods and eating drugs

— Cool Pond (@cool_pond) March 4, 2012

church by @cool_pond

Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 12, 2013

Well, well, well by @bridger_w

1)sit in toddler seat of a shopping cart. 2)tip over til feet touch the ground. 3)stand up. you're now a grocery turtle. no one can stop you

— hell_homer (@hell_homer) July 24, 2012

grocery turtle by @hell_homer [ + ]

Please stop praying for my grandpa u are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(

— woodmuffin (@woodmuffin) January 9, 2013

Please stop by @woodmuffin

"I'm the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit" "Not anymore" New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon

— patrick (@tastefactory) September 30, 2012

bassoon cop by @tastefactory [ + ]

"sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?" "officer, I'm..." *turns to camera* "double jointed" *cop starts breakdancing*

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 18, 2013

breakdancing cop by @Fred_Delicious

"It's a show about nothing." - God explaining life

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 17, 2013

nothing by @SamGrittner

"daddy where do babies come from" "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"

— Horton Atonto (@crushingbort) February 28, 2013

babies by @crushingbort

oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way,

— wint (@dril) May 2, 2012

my sick uncle by @dril

No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, there's no limi

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) July 4, 2011

no limi by @MooseAllain

Bad boy. What do. Cops cops. Cops crimes. Bad boy bad boy come for you, what do

— jitka (@jitka) March 14, 2012

Bad boy by @jitka

your body is a ghost factory that takes one lifetime to produce a ghost

— kimmy (@aRealLiveGhost) April 2, 2012

ghost factory by @aRealLiveGhost

climb on into my bed, babe. let me just move these sandwiches and these backup sandwiches

— Michael Hale (@dogboner) January 28, 2012

backup sandwiches by @dogboner

My namea Borat Montoya. You kill my father... very nice

— ''Steve'' (@extranapkins) November 16, 2011

Borat Montoya by @extranapkins

listen all ya'll it's a santa claus, listen all ya'll it's a santa claus, LISTEN ALL YA'LL IT'S A SANTA CLAUS

— chris (@BassoonJokes) November 25, 2012

listen all y'all by @BassoonJokes

whenever somebody says ghosts arent real i point at all the huge sweaty ghosts that are always floatin across the sky

— future ghost (@TheAnimePolice) April 25, 2013

ghosts by @TheAnimePolice

To Win Is To Treat Everyone Right (T.W.I.T.T.E.R.)

— Drizzly Drake (@vasedgod) July 12, 2012

T.W.I.T.T.E.R. by @vasedgod

“i cnat believe this!” he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. “i would expect this from the others but not u” he says to 1 specific bee

— Teddy T (@lizard_wizard77) March 4, 2013

beard of bees by @lizard_wizard77

THE DVD YOGA LESSON IS ENDING. THE INSTRUCTOR ENTERS THE ＴＩＤＥ ＯＦ ＷＯＲＭＳ POSE. SMILES. "IT COMES FOR US ALL," SHE SAYS. THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

— Daniel Manitou (@ActualPerson084) August 17, 2012

YOGA LESSON by @ActualPerson084

November 5, 2010 I hate the muppets bcuz of the Pig girl, she was disgusting, i hate her with my life, she doesnot leave the lizard alone

— jawbroken (@jawbroken) November 7, 2010

muppets by @jawbroken

i sorry. i break my head on a the wall and mis your doctorpointment. i apologies.

— Fright Shark (@FrightShark) November 20, 2013

i sorry by @FrightShark

hey can you sign our petition against signing petitions. no? then you wouldn't mind signing our petition? ok sir this is extremely confusing

— stefan (@boring_as_heck) November 17, 2013

petition by @boring_as_heck

nicole kidman please name your next child Teendude

— Churlish (@Cryptoterra) December 11, 2012

nicole kidman by @Cryptoterra

Ol' Dirty Custard and the Wu Tang Flan

— chris (@BassoonJokes) December 11, 2013

Ol' Dirty Custard by @BassoonJokes

"Why isn't anyone stopping this?" - me at a boxing match

— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) December 15, 2013

boxing match by @mikeleffingwell

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