WHAT IF?


What if swans had gills? 
What if balloons had penises? 
What if the sky smelled of onions? 
What if touching things helped them to burp? 
What if clouds changed colour according to their mood? 
What if confusion was helpful? 
What if November was optional? 
What if all animals said "moo"? 
What if the Doppler effect applied to smells? 
What if you earned a rosette every time you finished a book? 
What if meals actually had wheels? 
What if Christmas was all there was? 
What if every room had an ejector seat? 
What if chimneys hummed? 
What if laughing came out like gargling? 
What if everyone forgot where Australia was? 
What if elbows had knees? 
What if we all had a pet whale? 
What if cigarettes had personalities? 
What if a wolf had your keys? 
What if you could hear your childhood photographs? 
What if everybody wanted the same apple? 
What if nobody cared about the weekend? 
What if every pebble had a name of its own? 
What if we hibernated for a year? 
What if humans had two noses? 
What if babies could cook? 
What if we never ate indoors? 
What if moaning cured colds? 
What if the only way out of a maze was to frighten a puppy? 
What if weather had a theme tune? 
What if you were forced to celebrate everything before it happened? 
What if you waited for a bus and an elephant came instead? 
What if mirrors sighed when you left the room? 
What if you got to the moon and discovered you'd forgotten why? 
What if one of us found a dodo? 
What if nobody could remember what calendars were for? 
What if every time you looked at a fish, its eyes got bigger? 
What if everything happened ten years ago? 
What if only rich people knew the price of milk? 
What if we measured sadness in yards? 
What if we grew up and turned out to be ghosts? 
What if we invented a bomb disposal bomb? 
What if we became invisible whenever we left the house? 
What if you were suddenly in a meadow? 
What if every blink destroyed a memory? 
What if worms were cleverer than us? 
What if making an effort broke things? 
What if you were able to bounce up a mountain? 
What if fashion disappeared in the morning? 
What if Norwaysweden got it on with the Gulf of Mexico? 
What if the Hubble telescope decided to tour the galaxy? 
What if all clothes were yellow? 
What if nothing fit? 
What if you unfolded a dodecahedron and when it was put back together, it was a cube? 
What if you had so many ideas, nobody could keep up? 
What if the president asked you to bury an alien? 
What if tricycles could travel on their own? 
What if everybody hid right now? 
What if you were 150 years old all the time? 
What if a burger followed you home? 
What if you thought so hard about an octopus that ink squirted from your eyes? 
What if North Korea got stoned? 
What if the breeze knocked a hole in your car? 
What if some ducklings hopped down the stairs and landed in your laundry basket? 
What if the loudest sound in the world was a puppy cough? 
What if an echo happened first? 
What if there was a skyscraper made of trampolines? 
What if nobody knew if you were real? 
What if you danced so hard, you grew a beak? 
What if food never stopped moving? 
What if gardening was made illegal? 
What if you stole a haunted spaceship? 
What if paradise was equally as nice? 
What if an asteroid spanked the Earth? 
What if there was no more butter? 
What if everyone pretended not to hear one another? 
What if the 1820s happened again? 
What if every sneeze was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder? 
What if toilets overheated? 
What if you never saw a cat? 
What if a fax machine killed millions? 
What if toes were too heavy? 
What if there were no longer any trombonists? 
What if you forgot how to get out of a tunnel? 
What if nobody knew what to do with combs? 
What if Jupiter just urinated wildly into space? 
What if the object of golf was to walk to the hole in the least amount of steps? 
What if everything beeped for a few minutes? 
What if you fell off the edge of the Earth and landed in an inkwell? 
What if breakfast was never invented? 
What if a frog just came in and took over an important business meeting for half an hour? 
What if spies arrived at your party and shared their sunglasses with you? 
What if, instead of razors, we used tiny goats? 
What if we had no word for "but"? 
What if Liechtenstein did a bungee jump? 
What if you were unnerved by the sound of hooves and it was just some mice banging wood blocks together? 
What if we got in a dune buggy and just sped off into the sea?
What if needles were scared of people? 
What if you had more ideas in one day than anyone had ever had before and you wrote them all down and it was the greatest thing of all time?
Added on May 20 2012. 

Originally posted in the space of eight hours on Twitter. 
Copyright 2012 Astonishing Sod. 
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