IMAGINE.
Imagine a bus like the back of a face.
Imagine if your head had no upside.
Imagine sharing your jail cell with an enormous spoon, a microscopic hacksaw and some gone-off drugs in a bar of ungrippable soap.
Imagine a train that could jog past other trains and jeer them.
Imagine a frog casino.
Imagine imagining so hard that you couldn't imagine how to imagine what it was like before you started imagining.
Imagine if the US and Iran swapped places on the globe.
Imagine planting a tree that grew into a seed.
Imagine if snooker was illegal.
Imagine pulling a hotel along a runway with your teeth.
Imagine if Fabergé eggs contained novelty children's cokespoons.
Imagine skiing with Niles Crane.
Imagine what your brain looks like to someone on drugs.
Imagine if the Borrowers lived next door to the Lenders.
Imagine a watch that told you the time in seconds since the birth of Paganini.
Imagine what it'd be like if everyone in the world jumped in the air at the same time and forgot to land.
Imagine onion feelings.
Imagine going for a walk in frozen underpants, only to discover that everyone on your street has had exactly the same idea.
Imagine crashing a helicopter into a river of custard, for a laugh.
Imagine death-mousse.
Imagine if life had three meanings, and they were all written in some stupid scribbly crayon on a frisbee.
Imagine a bee's face stuck between your teeth.
Imagine if horses had five legs, one of which threatened to destabilise the horse during important business meetings.
Imagine if you had to change the channel on the TV by inserting your toe in a fleshy pouch under the screen.
Imagine if there was an unspecified number of hedgehogs on the moon.
Imagine two tractors getting into a fight.
Imagine if phones gossiped to other phones about phonecalls.
Imagine ink came out of your ears, all the time basically.
Imagine dying during a jam-making festival and being resurrected IN A POT OF JAM.
Imagine Crocodile Dundee, stretched out over ten years.
Imagine if the Queen walked into the room with an erection.
Imagine the sound snow would make if you were a paranoid, hypersensitive ant with a fear of noises.
Imagine if socks made inappropriate noises.
Imagine secretly lusting after a snowman but missing your opportunity due to a high volume of nearby pedestrian traffic.
Imagine what a hedge would look like in a microwave.
Imagine how much tabasco you could fit in a petrified squid.
Imagine a world without unicorns.
Imagine a sheep with the head of a platypus.
Imagine if chips could breakdance.
Imagine a horse that lived in the trees.
Imagine catapulting 1993 towards 1987.
Imagine there's a grape somewhere that's unofficially the King of the Grapes.
Imagine only knowing the prices of imaginary products.
Imagine if aeroplanes flew backwards.
Imagine if bats had three wings, one of which was useless and sweaty.
Imagine if 4 was between 8 and 9.
Imagine a romantic getaway in the Seychelles with a computer ghost.
Imagine if broccoli was really sarcastic.
Imagine if trees had hair.
Imagine having read all of this in the voice of Jackie Mason.
Imagine if your head had no upside.
Imagine sharing your jail cell with an enormous spoon, a microscopic hacksaw and some gone-off drugs in a bar of ungrippable soap.
Imagine a train that could jog past other trains and jeer them.
Imagine a frog casino.
Imagine imagining so hard that you couldn't imagine how to imagine what it was like before you started imagining.
Imagine if the US and Iran swapped places on the globe.
Imagine planting a tree that grew into a seed.
Imagine if snooker was illegal.
Imagine pulling a hotel along a runway with your teeth.
Imagine if Fabergé eggs contained novelty children's cokespoons.
Imagine skiing with Niles Crane.
Imagine what your brain looks like to someone on drugs.
Imagine if the Borrowers lived next door to the Lenders.
Imagine a watch that told you the time in seconds since the birth of Paganini.
Imagine what it'd be like if everyone in the world jumped in the air at the same time and forgot to land.
Imagine onion feelings.
Imagine going for a walk in frozen underpants, only to discover that everyone on your street has had exactly the same idea.
Imagine crashing a helicopter into a river of custard, for a laugh.
Imagine death-mousse.
Imagine if life had three meanings, and they were all written in some stupid scribbly crayon on a frisbee.
Imagine a bee's face stuck between your teeth.
Imagine if horses had five legs, one of which threatened to destabilise the horse during important business meetings.
Imagine if you had to change the channel on the TV by inserting your toe in a fleshy pouch under the screen.
Imagine if there was an unspecified number of hedgehogs on the moon.
Imagine two tractors getting into a fight.
Imagine if phones gossiped to other phones about phonecalls.
Imagine ink came out of your ears, all the time basically.
Imagine dying during a jam-making festival and being resurrected IN A POT OF JAM.
Imagine Crocodile Dundee, stretched out over ten years.
Imagine if the Queen walked into the room with an erection.
Imagine the sound snow would make if you were a paranoid, hypersensitive ant with a fear of noises.
Imagine if socks made inappropriate noises.
Imagine secretly lusting after a snowman but missing your opportunity due to a high volume of nearby pedestrian traffic.
Imagine what a hedge would look like in a microwave.
Imagine how much tabasco you could fit in a petrified squid.
Imagine a world without unicorns.
Imagine a sheep with the head of a platypus.
Imagine if chips could breakdance.
Imagine a horse that lived in the trees.
Imagine catapulting 1993 towards 1987.
Imagine there's a grape somewhere that's unofficially the King of the Grapes.
Imagine only knowing the prices of imaginary products.
Imagine if aeroplanes flew backwards.
Imagine if bats had three wings, one of which was useless and sweaty.
Imagine if 4 was between 8 and 9.
Imagine a romantic getaway in the Seychelles with a computer ghost.
Imagine if broccoli was really sarcastic.
Imagine if trees had hair.
Imagine having read all of this in the voice of Jackie Mason.