MADONNA CONCERT.
Madonna is heard offstage, belching into a microphone. A KKK montage plays onscreen. "WRONG", she mumbles. The crowd waits.
Madonna appears in a body bag, cuts her way out with a tin can opener and staggers to her feet. She is very drunk.
Madonna lights a cigarette and stands there. The band is ready to play. There's a low bass rumble. Awkward shuffling.
Madonna leans back and stares at the lighting rig. She points at the sky, about to say something. Changes her mind. Coughs.
Madonna borrows a guitar from a guitarist. She drags it along the ground by the strap and eventually just ignores it.
Madonna asks the crowd what their names are. When they all try to answer she tells them to "shut up so I can hear that guy".
Madonna takes a chocolate bar out of her hair and throws it up in the air. It hits the drummer on the head. She just shrugs.
Madonna is battering a gamelan with a sledgehammer and roaring, "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU".
Madonna writhes around on an electroluminescent coffin as the bassist plays "Holiday" at one-eighth the normal speed.
Madonna hovers somehow, over what appears to be a reflective silver linoleum mat. The resultant reflection appears onscreen.
Madonna pours acid over a rubber statue of herself. As it dissolves, she pretends to do so too. There are screams.
Madonna crawls to the edge of the stage, removes a kneecap and munches on it, staring at the moshpit.
Madonna blows into her thumb and plays her arm like a trombone. The tune that comes out is "Like A Prayer". Backwards.
Madonna vacuums hundreds of nails out of the stage with her mouth. She spits them at the screen in the shape of a pentagram.
Madonna, without warning, wraps her band in cellophane, ties them up with twine and swings them around at enormous speed.
Madonna torches all the instruments, flings three teeth into the audience and burrows into the earth. It's finally over.
Added on July 25 2012.
Originally written and posted in real time on Twitter.
Copyright 2012 Astonishing Sod.
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