Free Stuff!
Because we're best friends, I have some free gifts for you. Can we just forget about the restaurant incident now? Good. Finally. It was getting weird between us.
It's all free! Tell your friend(s)!
It's all free! Tell your friend(s)!
#1: A BIRTHDAY SONG!
Listen to and download "Hoopy Booty Too Yoo", which is a birthday song! And I made it!
You'll be glad to know that it's waaaay better than "Happy Birthday", which - let's face it - you can't even dance to. To many, "Hoopy Booty Too Yoo" represents the apex of symphonic nonseniphalism.
If you or someone you know have ever considered having a birthday, this is the only song onto which it is worth getting your freak.
100% free and suitable for all sizes of contemporary human.
Hoopy booty! Give it to everyone and help rid the world of the tyranny of traditional birthday songs!
You'll be glad to know that it's waaaay better than "Happy Birthday", which - let's face it - you can't even dance to. To many, "Hoopy Booty Too Yoo" represents the apex of symphonic nonseniphalism.
If you or someone you know have ever considered having a birthday, this is the only song onto which it is worth getting your freak.
100% free and suitable for all sizes of contemporary human.
Hoopy booty! Give it to everyone and help rid the world of the tyranny of traditional birthday songs!
| Gunter-Blatherer - Hoopy Booty Too Yoo.mp3 |
#2: ANOTHER SONG: PUMPING KRILL THROUGH A TUNNEL OF BONES!
This is my entry for Eurovision 2012. It's sure to win.
Lyrics:
Yo I've been pumping krill through a tunnel of bones,
Leaving flies in no-fly zones,
Lost a phone on a hill of trombones,
Got my ass on backwards and I'm moonwalking forwards,
Tied a jellyfish statue to a bungee cord,
Drove a ghost train into a maternity ward,
With a goose and a tomato and a replica sword,
Took a carpet to a pet shop, bought it a car,
I've eaten twenty balloons and they went straight to my hips,
Got a revolving tattoo of a canoe on my lips,
Took a holographic dog, fed it some zips,
Been busy making bees make a maize bead business,
I bought a magical sausage from a mechanical mouse,
Made a political gesture in the Opera House,
Convinced an elephant that it was a giant woodlouse,
Collected money for charity, spent it all on a rhyming dictionary.
Lyrics:
Yo I've been pumping krill through a tunnel of bones,
Leaving flies in no-fly zones,
Lost a phone on a hill of trombones,
Got my ass on backwards and I'm moonwalking forwards,
Tied a jellyfish statue to a bungee cord,
Drove a ghost train into a maternity ward,
With a goose and a tomato and a replica sword,
Took a carpet to a pet shop, bought it a car,
I've eaten twenty balloons and they went straight to my hips,
Got a revolving tattoo of a canoe on my lips,
Took a holographic dog, fed it some zips,
Been busy making bees make a maize bead business,
I bought a magical sausage from a mechanical mouse,
Made a political gesture in the Opera House,
Convinced an elephant that it was a giant woodlouse,
Collected money for charity, spent it all on a rhyming dictionary.
| astonishing_sod_-_pumping_krill_through_a_tunnel_of_bones.mp3 |
#3: A SONG THAT SOMEONE ELSE MADE WITH MY WORDS!
This song is called "Whale". It was made by the bigly talented Yawn The Post by setting the words of one of my tweets to wonderful music.
He did it for free, without even being asked, because he's a lovely and great man. Have a listen!
Here are the words:
"I just waved at a whale. He didn't see me, though, because he was several hundred miles away and probably not looking."
He did it for free, without even being asked, because he's a lovely and great man. Have a listen!
Here are the words:
"I just waved at a whale. He didn't see me, though, because he was several hundred miles away and probably not looking."
#4: WHAT WILL WE DO TONIGHT?
"What Will We Do Tonight?" is a series of 30 uselessful cards, to help you when your brain has stopped making ideas.
How to use: Print, cut along the dotted lines, put the cards in a coconut and pick one at random.
How to use: Print, cut along the dotted lines, put the cards in a coconut and pick one at random.
| Astonishing Sod - What Will We Do Tonight.pdf |
#5: EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE!
40 believable excuses for those times when you don't bother to leave in time, because let's be honest, you were either playing Tetris or thinking impure thoughts about Tetris.
How to use: Print, cut along the dotted lines, glue each card to a snail, race the snails along a 50 centimetre track and use the excuse that's glued to the snail that finishes last.
Warning: Do not use the same excuse twice with the same person, unless you're wearing a disguise.
How to use: Print, cut along the dotted lines, glue each card to a snail, race the snails along a 50 centimetre track and use the excuse that's glued to the snail that finishes last.
Warning: Do not use the same excuse twice with the same person, unless you're wearing a disguise.
| Astonishing Sod - Excuses For Being Late.pdf |
